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Nerves

An overactive imagination and a tendency to worry are bad traits to have as an author - you face a lot of rejection, a lot of bad reviews, and a lot of self-doubt every single day. Of course, overactive imagination is what makes an author thrive and a tendency to worry helps when it's time to write those tense scenes that make for a good piece of plotting...but these two qualities also lead someone like me down slippery slopes of despair, doom, and dread when I'm at a certain stage in the writing process:


THE PROPOSAL.


And, even more daunting:


SUBMISSION.

I've been working on a big, new YA project proposal for almost six months now. It has taken me a little longer than it usually would to put a package together, since I've been conducting an agent hunt as part of the process, but I've put so much energy and time and ME into this project that it's taken over a big, fat chunk of my brain during every waking moment. I finally - FINALLY - am *this close* to finishing the proposal and a bunch of chapters, and - fingers crossed - my shiny new agent (who is suffering through my nerves and psychoses in a very noble fashion) is going to send it out this week.

I am literally crippled with nerves and what-ifs.

Partly because this is how I get at this stage, but mostly because this project is something really new for me and it all feels like crawling into a creepy cave without knowing what's inside. I know it's a good proposal, and I am feeling great about it - so why so scared? This is the first time I've had an agent to represent me (which is great, but just different), this is the first time I've written anything like this that I feel SO sure of before the book is even done, and this is the first time I've been THIS worked up about a book I'm writing.

I know I'm not unique in feeling this way - so why does it all feel so lonely?

That: is the life of an author.

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