Erin · Downing

An overactive imagination and a tendency to worry are bad traits to have as an author - you face a lot of rejection, a lot of bad reviews, and a lot of self-doubt every single day. Of course, overactive imagination is what makes an author thrive and a tendency to worry helps when it's time to write those tense scenes that make for a good piece of plotting...but these two qualities also lead someone like me down slippery slopes of despair, doom, and dread when I'm at a certain stage in the writing process:

THE PROPOSAL.

And, even more daunting:

SUBMISSION.

I've been working on a big, new YA project proposal for almost six months now. It has taken me a little longer than it usually would to put a package together, since I've been conducting an agent hunt as part of the process, but I've put so much energy and time and ME into this project that it's taken over a big, fat chunk of my brain during every waking moment. I finally - FINALLY - am *this close* to finishing the proposal and a bunch of chapters, and - fingers crossed - my shiny new agent (who is suffering through my nerves and psychoses in a very noble fashion) is going to send it out this week.

I am literally crippled with nerves and what-ifs.

Partly because this is how I get at this stage, but mostly because this project is something really new for me and it all feels like crawling into a creepy cave without knowing what's inside. I know it's a good proposal, and I am feeling great about it - so why so scared? This is the first time I've had an agent to represent me (which is great, but just different), this is the first time I've written anything like this that I feel SO sure of before the book is even done, and this is the first time I've been THIS worked up about a book I'm writing.

I know I'm not unique in feeling this way - so why does it all feel so lonely?

That: is the life of an author.

I finally have a cover to share for my summer 2010 teen novel...and it's amazing:



Isn't it cool? The designer who crafted this clever little piece of work, Cara Petrus, did an amazing job. Next up...an excerpt! Hold tight.

I just blogged about my recent adventures in reading over at the Simon Pulse Romantic Comedy authors' blog. Swing by!

I have finally picked an agent. I had no idea this process was going to be downright brutal - stressful and nerve-wracking and hard! I was very lucky that I didn't face much rejection (those are the benefits of being already-published and fine-tuning the list of agents to query), but I didn't really realize just how worked up I would get about the actual decision until I started crying - out of the blue - earlier this week. Totally weird, and totally yuck. Here's how it all went down:

First, I picked a very limited list of agents I was interested in approaching, based on feedback from my editors and author friends. I sent a query letter, a couple chapters from my Summer 2010 Simon Pulse novel (to give future-agent a feel for my new writing style!), and a proposal and sample chapters for a fun new project I've been working on. I got a great response (hurdle 1: success! I know this is the hardest part for most people, so I was feeling a big sense of triumph about this), and felt pretty great about the people I was talking to. But my gut was telling me nothing!! Nothing at all! That's totally not right, since I am usually a jump-to-conclusions immediately sort of gal.

Second, I was lucky enough to have a trip to New York in the middle of this (last week), at which point I had dinner with my editor, who sensed my frustration with my gut (which still refused to guide me toward a decision). So my editor said: "Please call just this one last agent before you make any decisions." My editor is smart, and so I took her advice and I emailed this guy that night with the same materials I had sent the others.

In the middle of all of this, I continued to write. I've been working on my chapters, fine-tuning the proposal, getting a bigger piece of the book ready for submission. So even though there was crying and stress and frustration, I was still working. Otherwise, I would have been a heap of mess.

So on Monday morning, I get an email from this one last guy saying he has read my stuff and can we talk? Yes! So we talked, I really loved our conversation, and I've heard great things about him all around. I just don't personally know any of his clients, so I have to take the "rumor has it" word for it and comments about him on his clients' blogs, etc. at face value, and assume he really is great. The night of our conversation, while I fussed and fretted and watched a little Biggest Loser, suddenly my gut popped into the picture and said "Hey! Here, dear, is your decision!"

Finally, Wednesday, I emailed the final agent and said I was ready to go. Of course, I somehow got spam-filtered out of his email inbox, so I sat worrying and wondering and certain that he'd changed his mind about me in the 24 hours since we'd spoken. But no! An email popped up later that night, and I actually really and truly have an agent. His name is Michael Bourret, and I will meet him in person on my birthday, October 21. In the meantime, I hope to get my proposal all polished up and fancy-like and maybe it will be in its future-publisher's hands by the time we get that birthday cocktail. Or maybe I have finally signed with an agent so someone will be there to tell me I'm a little crazy when I think things like that.

Today - finally (sorry, Jenn Echols, you lovely and charming and wonderfully patient you!!) - I blogged about where I get my ideas over at the Simon Pulse Romantic Comedies blog. Check it out!